Happy New Year!!!!!!!

It was the finest Christmas, and I expect non-less for all of 2007. With a little bit of help, I’m beginning to expect to be around for the 70th. During the Christmas Eve Mass, I mentioned that I was looking forward to my 70th birthday.

As we close up on 2006, it was a good year. A very good year! Our family has never been closer and more there for each other. Pride, when based in truth, is a very good thing. I’m proud of my family. I have no idea where I would be without them. They kept me whole and gave me hope. They really made me understand they wanted to keep me around, so I decided to take them up on it, and I stayed around with them.

My new class on mind-body control (meditation from the stress reduction clinic) begins on Jan 14th and I’m excited. Chloe and I spent 1 1/2 hours in orientation already. If it provides even 1/2 of what they say it will, I’ll be happy. Chloe is going to be able to attend the entire thing with me. It will help us both. It’s ten weeks – 2 1/2 hours each night. I hope I’ll be able to do it, but I’m going to work like hell with it.

May 2007 be a great year for you. Anyone going to Times Square? Friends just came back from NY - didn’t sound like they were moving to NY right away. Only those of us who grew up on Ryerson St. really know what NY is all about, and that part of it is in your blood. Happy New Year!!!!!

Hi Everyone

Apologies for the lack of consistency in posting to the blog. You may recall me referring to my cancer as a yo-yo with its ups and downs, and then upgrading it to a roller coaster. Well, once again, I must upgrade, and this time I would liken it to a bungee cord. I have had my meds changed from thalidomide to revlimid (Lenalidomide). I'ved tried to take information from Wikipedia, and it may/may not make sense. It has great potential while also having great risks. Again, your prayers would go a long way to make a difference.

Revlimid affects the immune system. It helps promote immune responses to prevent inflammation in the body. Revlimid treats anemia (a lack of red blood cells in the body) and multiple myeloma (cancer resulting from a progressive blood disease).
Revlimid is a derivative of thalidomide introduced in 2004. It was initially intended as a treatment for multiple myeloma, for which thalidomide is an accepted therapeutic modality, but has also shown efficacy in the hematological disorders known as the myelodysplastic syndromes. Lenalidomide are considered therapeutic breakthroughs in myeloma, which generally carries a poor prognosis. It was approved by the FDA on December 27, 2005.

Past Co-workers Brenda & Frank

Past co-worker, Brenda Davis, was in town from Tennessee to visit friends in Washington state. Stops included the ACAP Center at Fort Lewis, where she worked for 5 years, church friends, and Frank!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hey out there – how about a few extra prayers – PLEASE!

Happy Thanksgiving – a time to remember the nation’s history with a personal integration of our own thanksgiving.

I venture in two different directions in November. I’ve started a new meds regiment, and I’m going to put myself on retreat. Maybe you can join me for both.

The doctor has been so pleased with my progress that he is going to kick it up a notch. I’ve been off thalidomide for the last three weeks and on Revlimide for this past week. It better work better – it is $6,000+ for a three week dosage. It costs us - on a new medication program - $10. We are still kissing the floor. The Army hospital pays $6,000 a shot for an anticoagulant in their emergency room – I don’t know what the soldier's share of that cost is. The emergency room docs in Iraq consider this drug a miracle, others have major concerns. It is given in the emergency room whenever there has been massive blood loss, and it works like nothing ever before. However, they have found a sufficient number of people later go on to heart attacks or strokes, or other traumatic side effects. Surgeons say the risk doesn't outweigh the good effects. They would be dealing with immediate death. My family, myself and the doc are going in with eyes wide open.

Last weeks blood test (prior to the new drug) was pretty bad. I have another reading coming up on Wednesday and then at least one blood test a week for the next six weeks – then punt. Nota Bene – all the Army information came from a recent News Tribune Article.

The term – retreat – is used in many different organizations (business, religious, military, govt.) with variations, depending upon the organization. Mine will be a religious retreat. Since I once had the official title of Spiritual Director, I, like a fool, will be my own director. I will focus on every third day for the next month and stick to a rigid routine for each of those days (Ha/Ha). I’ll be saying some prayers that will change depending upon the theme of the day. Meditation time will be integrated into all of the activities of the day. Readings for this period will be heavy in the religious area inclusive of philosophy – theology – tradition – priesthood and sacramental life. My prayers and meditations will be a mix of formal – hymns – psalms, etc, but much of it will come from me writing them myself. A great deal of emphasis will be placed on last things and secular and religious saints.

I’ve probably turned most of you off by now, but I’m excited and hope I’ll live up to the plan. I’ll be thinking about you and hope you’ll be doing the same for me. It’s going to be a very positive retreat. I’d love to capture some of this in creative water color or pastel.

Again, any and all reflections are appreciated. All of your support has been invaluable. You have made the difference, and that difference gave me 12 months of life that was not meant to be there for me.

Veteran’s Day 2006

I hope I don’t sound too proud in saying, “I think I may be the most loyal – non-veteran”. Yeah! That’s too vain.

You know cancer gives you a lot of time to remember. God has truly blessed me with some wonderful memories. One of the finest comes with emotion, insights, and inspiring sensual stuff - the stark beauty of the white crosses, the peacefulness of the environment, and the un-apologetic tears of friends and relative. As a little kid (born in ’37) through-out the war my dad used to take me to the cemeteries of Brooklyn to plant flags. To a little kid, it seemed like the cemeteries of the world. I would hold his hand with my left and carry flags with my right. He had one son in a German prison camp and another buried at Anzio never to return. Gives me goose bumps even today. How did he keep his heart inside his body? He loved them as he loved me. We have the letter from Charlie’s chaplain – written in a foxhole several months later saying he just wanted us to know what fond memories they all had of him. It was nothing heroic – took shrapnel while on sentry duty within their encampment – dead within seconds.

To these gals and guys and all of today’s gals and guys I offer up my cancer. I was drafted for this duty. I will not only think and remember the deceased, but also the living and their families. My America is their America and I’m so indebted for the values, hope and love they left and are leaving for me, my kids and grandchildren. I hope that I have been somewhat respectful of those gifts.

Mike and Frank

Thank God for Pain

Since it’s now over a year since my life took a dramatic change, I must stop and give credit where credit is due - to Bill Bettyas and his son Jason. Early on, when I wasn’t sure what my name was, he offered to put together a blog page for me. I don’t think they fully realized what this blog would contribute towards my recovery. Within the last month, Bill added the numbers of hits – a hit counter. They are amazing and would have been huge had we started to capture them from day one. They miss the first nine months plus. Bill originally thought it would be a great way to stay in touch with the office, but other groups have asked for and gotten the blog page. Just this week my son Mike’s executive prayer group in Seattle asked to join in. Many of the private contacts started on the blog have sprouted into independent contacts. Such groups, for example, as CITI, local priest’s groups, previous organizations, my parish, my 50th high school grads, the hospital staff, and friends & relatives have become faithful followers despite my lack of promptness. All have communicated back: it’s professional, informative, thanks, we’ll share with others, and all were full of compliments for the layout and content, and some expressed a desire to do the same thing for themselves. Bill and Jason, each thank you has a deeper and deeper reason for saying it - thanks.

Pain
Kris recently found copies of a note for my General Practitioner months before the pain just became overwhelming – the note described the pain and my personal request for an MRI. If he had only listened and acted, it would not have led to being as close to death as it is possible to get without dying, and the damage would have been far less. The pain was a gift in disguise. Last Friday I went to the lab for a routine lab blood draw – we expected to be out within an hour. However, as soon as we got to the reception area the break-through pain was the worst I’ve had in a long time – I’d give it a nine on a scale of ten. When I got inside the lab, my nurse just smelled a rat and wouldn’t let it escape. After a few very direct questions she was out the door and soon Paul the Chief Pharmacist was in the door to be followed by Doctor Cox about ten minutes later. Paul left things in the doctor’s hands, and we spent almost an hour and a half just talking about everything under the sun along with hitting all of the professional points that needed to be hit. It was more like friend to friend. He recounted all of those initial days when he just couldn’t believe he could save me, and the steady progress from that moment on. He said it has been nothing less than amazing. He recounted all I had been through with chemo almost seeming like a small thing in the midst of unrelenting ups and downs, and the daily and weekly challenges. It has been going on for a year with no breaks for good behavior. It was a great session for me. At the end he made some big changes in my medications and treatment regime and the offer of other special services that might be helpful. He asked me to stop thinking like a Western man with goals and objectives and recognize a little more the emphasis of the East on being thankful for just Being. We talked a great deal about retreat - finding time just for myself alone. Nothing gloomy or depressive – more aggressive and positive - trying to find myself again in my physical limitations so that I can make room for other strengths and abilities I just have never used before. Some of those challengers our soldiers face on their return from Iraq and Afghanistan. Most of them do a pretty good job of it even though much of the scarring never fully goes away. In my last few blogs I have requested some feedback from you and really appreciate what I got. I’m asking once again. Please help me – what suggestions would you make to me to consider as I continue this very important step in my recovery? What would your priorities be? What would you be focusing on? I’m not looking for the profound – just your honest thoughts – whatever they might be. Thanks - please excuse the Epistle.

Guestbook - A New Addition to the Blog.

If you look on the right side of the blog, you will see a "guestbook" link. This will allow for public and private communcation with me. By clicking "private," when making a comment, your thoughts will remain private and only be visible to me. This is also a way to keep all comments in one place. Also, if you leave your email address, it will not be visible to anyone, even if you did not check the private box. I hope to hear from you soon.

- Frank

The place I spent my summer.

Jason & Monica tie the knot

Hey – Remember Jason Meyer? He recently got married. Congratulations Jason and Monica – best wishes from all of us.

I’ve been following the flow of the Stryker guys in and out of Iraq. I’m sure you all have your hands full. I would love to be there and try to help those guys and gals.

Meet The Klutz

You cannot read further unless you already know that the number one person in my life is Kris, my wife. I don’t need anyone to tell me – she is the most beautiful, most intelligent, loving wife, mother and grandmother in the world. After 35 years I would be very happy to repeat, start from scratch or just spend my remaining days seeing her smile. If you understand that – she is the principal person who has taken me from the brink of death to where I am today – then and only then – you may continue to read now and in the future about the Caregiver Klutz.

What’s a klutz – yesterday was a good day that went south. Kris had nothing to do with it going south but one of the incidents on the way didn’t exactly help. Kris was taking me out so I could have a change of scenery. Getting in and out of the car is a venture in itself. I was snug in place with seat belt secured – which I am no longer allowed to do for myself, because one afternoon I almost bled to death by getting a big gash on my arm from just putting it on. However, here I was now snug and feeling secure – Kris had done a great job with my pillow under what’s left of my behind and had fastened my seatbelt. We were ready to high tail it.

At the last second Kellan (3) – my grandson - came out of the house screaming – grandma, I want to give you a kiss good bye. He gave her a very big smooch. She then said go around and give one to grandpa, and he very dutifully came around to my side, I put my window down 3/4 of the way, but we just couldn’t reach each other – my seatbelt was just too tight, but I was able to get my head fully through the window – that is – until Kris hit the “close” button and caught my neck between the window and top of the door. Not only was I scared out of my senses, but I hurt – I hurt – I hurt. The more I screamed, the more she pushed the button up. She was just trying to get even for the day I ran over her foot. You be the judge – who is the Klutz – her or me? I don’t even know if I got the kiss.

Laura – My Therapeutic Kitten

It works! You’ve read all the stuff about animals improving the morale of the sick. Well! Why not give it a shot and that’s exactly what we did.

We went shopping at the Pound for a kitten. The first time they (family) went without me and came back discouraged. The youngest kitten was about 96 yrs. old. About two weeks later I went with them. There was Laura and we knew right away – that’s our gal. She had been left on their doorstep at two hours old and been in foster care till that morning – 2 months old. The woman who had her was there. They had already rejected two families. The woman told us that Laura was a dream – all shots – housebroken = spayed – people friendly and a television freak. We got her.

Presently, we’re fighting about whose room this is and whose stuff in said room is mine. I’m losing. You know those little finger protections you use when you’re dealing with a lot of paper - her favorite toy. I’m teaching her with a modicum of success – how to fetch. Some of the no-nos requiring a water shot to the body: nails or claws on me (no longer a problem) playing with wires, climbing on screens, not saying thank you when I give her a treat.

I can’t speak for her, but I think we have a great relationship. She frequently sleeps with me during naps, fetches when I play with her and just loves to be stroked. We got us a winner. You know what – when I’m running after her – I don’t have much time to think about cancer. We should start one more program – Kittens for Cancer.

It’s been a good week. I keep stretching myself out – at my pace – under my guidance – with a smile on my face. I still feel selfish – because of the many people who want to come and I just can’t accommodate. That stress really sets me back. All should know that there is not a single thing that has been done for me or my family that has gone unnoticed. They are all welded in our hearts. E-mail allows me to control communication and it is the best vehicle for me. Phone is just a no-no for me. I can’t handle it right now. My daughter Tara says – so what’s new?

Have a great week and hang in there.

- Frank

On the road to recovery

This has been a big week for me. I continue to try and stretch myself to some new accomplishment, Yesterday afternoon, I participated in Jason and Monica Myers wedding. He asked me to perform the ceremony a while back, but I couldn't accept the responsibility. Glad I didn't - I would have never made it. I got a very good friend to do it who did a wonderful job. However, they all insisted that if I could make it, I should participate in some way. I did the readings. A stretch, but doable. I'm learning to make better use of my wheelchair. Got some great pictures which I'll share in a future blog. I kept wondering why I was stepping on the back of my suit pants - then I realized that the last time I wore it I was 6.1 - now Im 5.7 - it does make a difference.

I also went to the Zoo with the grandkids. My daughter, Tara, her husband, Jim, and kids, Kellan and Zoe Brooklyn, are moving to CO. They have hung out here for over a year now becoming a very big part of my recovery and providing the stuff that motivation is made of; it will be a sad day for all when next Jan or Feb they take off. Healing has a lot of side effects.

I'm about 85% finished writing my book about these last few months. I'm calling it, My Cancer - Personal Ownership.

I'm sort of tired of writing about myself. I'm beginning to sound like an old broken record. Would you please write me on the blog and tell me what has been happening in your life this past year - I had hoped that's what I would see here - you need not sign it - perhaps just a quick down and dirty incident report on your journey. You know you've gotten older.

- Frank

Just a little off the top, please.

Hi Everyone!

I’ve got some extraordinary news for you. The doctor said I am not going to die. Wow!!!!!! Oh yes, I will die someday, but it may not be today or next week. The immediacy has been taken off the table. In my humble opinion, it is the medical community, family and friends who have pulled off this incredible feat. Love, prayers, acts of friendship have made such a big difference.

I struggled in the beginning about keeping all of this to myself or to bring my case out to my family and friends. I still think I did the right thing. You have been with me throughout this entire ordeal and now you share with me the positive results of your efforts.

I asked Kris last week – how many times did you positively think I was dead. She said without any hesitation – three. She died with me three times at least. Each time I had gone into unconsciousness with little thought that I would recover. One of those times required the emergency staff of Tacoma General to rush through the halls from all areas of the hospital in order to revive me.

Today, I still have my cancer, the pain, the inability to stand for any prolonged period and a whole load of other things which leave me at this point to be totally disabled, but I’m going to continue to give it my best shot. From the beginning, I thought this was about you as well as about me. I made the mistake of telling my family I was ready for death. That led to my son Mike – what!!!!! You’re just going to accept this – I can’t believe it. He converted me. I thought evidently there were still enough people around that wanted me to hang around, and so I have, right up until today.

Congratulations to you all. Your friendship, prayers and sacrifices have born fruit and been answered positively. My day is yet to come, but I guess it might not be today. Thanks.

Please continue to pray and hang in there with me as I try to find my new role in life. We’re still in this together.

- Frank

The heat wave, the doctor, and me.

How are you all handing the heat? The news from across the nation is not good, and my good old NY looks the worst of any with the exception of St. Louis.

Each day I attempt to stretch myself out further. This past week I ha’ve attempted to work on my room. I'’m trying to relieve some of the pressures on my family. They have done so much for me. If I could take better care of myself and then move on to make a little contribution here and there I'’d feel a little better inside of me. I'’ve needed more attention than my new granddaughter Zoe. I don'’t cry as loud as she does, but I also don'’t have the beautiful smile she has.

Kris and I left the doctor last week with the distinct impression that the immediacy of my death may have passed. We don'’t know what that means. It'’s so hard to figure out because of the nature of my cancer and because of the high levels of medication that I'’m still on. However, it was good news, and I owe a profound debt to those who have remembered me and those who have prayed for me. Although unworthy of your prayers, I thank you for them.

I still have my good days and my bad days, but in general they are getting better. I'’ve picked up my paint brush, continue to read and have written a small book on the cancer experience of the last nine months.

- Frank

Happy 4th of July

I’ve probably not been better, but sort of hurt more and feel lousier. The price of getting better! I hope that makes some sense. It’s hard for me to figure out, so if you have the answer – let me know.

I Got holy hell from my doctor last week, and in front of my wife. I was telling him about some of my frustrations with regards to visitors and phone calls, and he just let me have it. When will I learn to relax? When will I retire and just stop? Why won’t I listen to my body? Have you forgotten already how sick you were and still are? I think you got the message. I’ll have mercy and stop – he did not. That’s what I like about my doctor – he’s so shy.

This is a long weekend for most of you. I hope it’s a wonderful weekend. I hope you will internalize ever value that our nation has stood for and our brothers have died for.

- Frank

Someone stole my heart!

Me and Zoe.

Hi Everyone!

Hi Everyone,

Today is a good day. Just wanted to bring you up to date on my yo-yo existence. Good days and bad days.

Go to doctor tomorrow, Thursday 18 May, to begin termination of experimental test I’ve been involved in. I’ll find out if I have been a placebo guy or the real McCoy.

The doctor has me on such strong meds that I spend a great deal of time these days in la la land. He had lowered my pain patch, but I think I’m going to ask him to go back up again tomorrow. We’ll see.

My wife, Kris, is going to retire this month. I guess I’m too much to handle on my own. I keep getting in trouble with her for overextending myself. Some parents will never know what a great self-sacrificing teacher their children have had in her. However, high school these days is a war zone without any of the war zone support. Teachers have been left very much alone to handle the mistakes of other segments of our population.

Anyone involved with Iraq must read Cobra II.

Always, I thank you for your support, I pray for you and your families and I rejoice when I get good news from you. Take care!

Frank

Some funny things about my cancer

A very good friend gave me a book that deals with major medical tragedies. I picked it up and began to browse. The very first page went something like this: It told the story of a poor woman with a form of cancer that wasted away the bones in her leg. The next paragraph said that she was a very lucky woman because it had not become multiple myeloma. Can’t say that gave me much comfort since it is multiple myeloma that I have.

Halucinations – there were many. The tough thing is that you have to rely upon others to tell you about them. One particular one had me standing on my bed at the hospital demanding to see the CEO of Tacoma General Hospital because my room was not clean enough for me. He/she never came.

I tried to evacuate the house one night because it was on fire. My bed was completely engulfed by flames. I ordered an evacuation of the children first and then the adults while I stayed behind and fought the fire.

It seems as though every health care person has a cough; meanwhile, they have cautioned me with regards to staying away from people with coughs.

- Frank

Hi to all:

Hi To All:

From the first moment six months ago that my doctor shook my hand and said, “you’re my patient now,” to today, progress has been unbelievable. It turned from - you should have died yesterday - into - can you imagine; you’re still alive today. Not only have I remained alive, but some truly wonderful things have happened to me during this time. (I’ll not mention the tests, the chemo, the transfusions, the overdosing, etc.) This week I celebrated my 69th birthday which I thought would be celebrated with my parents and many of my friends in heaven. Maybe we can get Las Vegas to give us some odds on #70.

Some of you have written or asked to visit, and I have not gotten back to you. Although my overall health seems to be going in the right direction, the side effects of my medications frequently have me going in circles. I ask your patience with me. Your letters and requests have helped to keep my morale up. In fact, I still can’t tell if it’s a great doctor, or friends with great prayers who have brought me to today.

Can anyone explain the nasty look on my doctor’s face every time I talk to him about a glass of wine or a can of beer? I keep reminding him about his pontifications about “quality of life”.

From a very indebted friend,
Frank Kabisch

And more progress

Frank continues to gain weight and strength. He is focused and continues to feel well and has been able, for the first time, to climb the stairs. Frank was given permission from the doctor to go out amongst people, when he feels strong enough. The main concern is his weakened immune system and coming in contact with sick people. But it's all good for now!

Progess

Frank has had his ups and downs in the past month but is steadily improving even though it seems like a pace of two steps forward, and one step backward. His appetite has returned, and he has now gained 10 pounds. Frank is also working to rebuild his muscle tone and size through exercise and medication. The doctor is constantly adjusting his medication and monitoring the ramifications of mixing the required medications. The good news is Frank's focus is better than ever, and he is cutting through his reading list.

My termination from Serco after 9 years

If you are following this blog, then you understand that we don’t know how much time I have left – which can be tonight or some date in the near or late future. What we do know is that there is no cure, and the doctor works only to stabilize and give me a painless lifestyle – up to this point that has meant being bed ridden except for trips to the clinic and my stays in the hospital. A key to my success, after all the chemo and other "out there experiments," is to keep my morale up - to allow me hope. I was delivered a devasting blow last week. It was sent by Fed Ex and required a signature. It was scanned to show the original, but names were omitted. If you would like to respond after reading the following termination letter, you can leave your comments here. You need not sign them. Later, I will express what it did to me. Just click on the thumnail image of the letter, and it will take you to a full-size copy of the letter. - Frank

A good week.

Frank's doctor visit and testing last week culminated in a declaration that Frank's body is in balance. The word remission was used; however, the meaning here is more of a delicate balance that Frank is enjoying at this time. Frank remains in good spirits, focused, and hopeful.

A busy holiday; a tough week; a celebration of life.

Frank had a good holiday season and Christmas with visits from family and friends. He also enjoyed a Christmas Eve Mass with fellow Priests & family. Unfortunately, last week marked the return of pneumonia, and Frank found himself returning to the hospital each day for intravenous antibiotics. Today, Sunday, he is feeling much better, and he Baptized his newest granddaughter, Zoe. Frank is very anxious to get back to the doctor this week to discuss future treatment plans.