Merry Christmas!

Alleluia! Alleluia!

Alleluia! Alleluia!
Seattle Has a New Archbishop!
Frank and Chloe Kabisch are Grandparents Again

The night before last gathered around my bed, my 5year old grandson, Monty Pope said to his grandmother, "Guess what, when I turn 6 I'll have a new brother or sister." He couldn't have been happier and his granddad tried desperately to do the math. I needed help. We all could not be happier. What a welcome this little guy/gal will be getting. I'll keep you posted.

Peter is his name of the new Archbishop, and he comes with a track record of love and generosity. I hope many will meet and love him, so that he might more fully love us. Today was his installation I'm sure you can easily find him on you tube and it will be a joy. Give it a shot.

I'm torn. I want to go out on the internet and sit back and relax. However, the month of November came and went without me ever making an entry. I have yet to do my Christmas cards and if I don't get them done it will end 50 plus years of trying to say to so many friends, hang in there! your friendship still means so much to me. As I look back through almost every segment of my life I have been blessed by friendships. Where there is friendship, "there" is the love of God made manifest in our lives. I'm sure you must be bored out of your tree hearing me say the same thing over and over. However, if it's true it should be shouted from the highest mountain top. Speaking of blessings, thinking back to those many times I was blessed by standing on a mounton top. Not the professional ones, but those that give you a sense of what it must be like to climb the highest mountain as the song recalls. I've had the blessing also of spending time with the Wolf Trap family in Stowe, Vermont. Climbing can get scary, but without it you'll never see the vista of other mountains and valleys where it's nice to find time for God. We used to say Mass up there and it helped understand the mystery of the Eucharist.

The last few weeks have really been on the tough side. Kris must have broke some record with her three trips to the Emergency room. One of the nurses, married to one of her former students asked, "no! not you again". Now, we can allow a little smile come to our faces, but it was not a good time. Once again, I found myself in deeper love with Kris then ever before. Isn't that the way it's supposed to work. Love, gets more profound the more you move on together. We are thankful that things are much better now and we are greatly indebted to our children for holding our hands through the process. My daughter in law, Debi were discussing the movie Up tonight. She cried all the way through it, and I just identified so much with the star that I was depressed to the point of not wanting to see it through. Good story telling gets through to you. If you'd like to understand just a little bit better the elderly you find in your midst, try watching "Up!".

Kris just returned from a house shopping trip to Denver. She saw a few that she liked, but I don't think she has seen the dream house. Tara is coming in Jan to supervise the house reduction which will take us from a 5 bedroom to a 3 bedroom home. It will go something like this, Out for trash, out for the use of others and the slimmed down ready to move remnants. It will go like this, we sell here, we move there and we purchase there. Again, if you want to know I'm scared silly, watch the movie Up and take a Kleenex for the tears similar to those shed by Debi.

Well! It's after 11 pm and I'm entering into that time of evening and day break when all my faculties are at their max. The exact opposite will occur in the morning/afternoon when I attempt to wake up. God bless you and remember me. If you need God's blessing dial my friend Stan Rother and he'll go to bat for you. His cause for beatification has moved forward and is in the hands of Rome. They'll be looking for Stan to be linked to a miraculous event. I don't know of any of you out there that doesn't know of someone, including yourself that doesn't need some kind of miraculous event in your or their life. Tell him, that Frank sent you.

Thing of Beauty (blog from 101310)

During the last few days I have been riveted to my television. An entire nation bound together and impacting the entire world. Which of the 33 were not heroes? Which of the 6 could have risked their lives more fully on behalf of the others? The President could have not been more of a leader. As so many said, after it was over, how could an entire nation have done more. Chile will never be the same. The president will never be the same. The volunteers were changed forever. The miners are incredible. Never in my life have I witnessed something I so completely wanted to be a part of. Perhaps, I too have been changed. Hard work, genus, courage, bravery, leadership, risk taking, patience, discipline, role play and patriotism had their days.

How and when will I change. Once again, my sentence was commuted and I remain alive. However, I still awake asking myself how well have I used this extended time? Is the world a better place today? Jesus not only provided baptism and confirmation along with Holy Orders and the Eucharist but allowed me several opportunities to die in His Grace. Tomorrow, I hope to be transformed as those players of Chile were transformed and find in potential tragedy the pinnacle of love so aptly portrayed in tears, words, hugs and kisses, presence and faithfulness. I hope the last few days watching my tv have not been wasted.

Hold the Tears, Not that "Dire"

Have I cried "fire" within a theatre. I guess I have. I apologize, I'm extremely sorry and I wish I knew how to handle things in the future. I'll try!

Today's visit to the doctor was a tough one for the three of us, Chloe, the doctor and myself. It started from the get go. We had planned to wait for the doctor to give us the latest stats and his assessment of those stats. So much for plans. The doc, who I chose to replace Dr. Cox started out by asking me how things were going? I responded fine. As he went to the computer I said I lied. Things could not be worse and I thought I had run into a brick wall. I explained what happened to me when I was told I had six days and then I was into my second year when I asked Dr. Cox what was going on and how much time I had left, he smiled and said if you're asking me if you are going to die, you're not at this time. Wow, what an incredible change of events.

Dr. Wadsworth, was devastated. He had never intended to be so dire and allow us to be left with such a negative evaluation. He was almost heartbroken that we were left with over a month before he could make amends. He assumed complete responsibility for giving the wrong picture and spent loads of time making sure we understood completely where he was coming from. I told him I shared the responsibility. He is a good man and a great doctor and that's why I chose him. He is still unaware of why certain things were done and that he also is concerned about one number that continues to be too high. He doesn't want to do some things that would give further clarity, but also have a negative effect. He wants to wait at least six months before making any changes to my regimen. He does not see 5 years as being the end of the line and would be taking further aggressive steps before the end. He will leave the medications as is for now.

So, once again I have caused you all added anxiety for something that did not come to pass. I honestly thought things were going bad quickly and the end was coming pretty quickly. I'm sorry. I have to find a way to change my ways. I sincerely don't know what to do. I attempted to move my concern from death to be more focussed on my faith. Writing helps me to do that and some form of sharing helps me get strength from you my friends who read these blog entries. I promise at this moment to attempt to give more than I have ever given and to move on so that perhaps my life might be a source of strength to another.

Forgive me and pray for me. Stan Rother may still be at my side. Thanks.

Getting Beyond My Death

Since my last visit with my new doctor, I find myself back where I was when I was told I had only six days. I think it's not a good place to be. I don't want to be dramatic, but it changes the entire tenor of your life when your death is around the corner. I do know what the death row prisoner is asked to go through. How many times will I be asked to hang it all up. I want so desperately to go beyond my transition and fall upon my faith and the new life I'll be called to share with all who have gone before me. I've spent a good amount of time on my failures and my hurts of so many others and I'd like to get focused on how much bigger they all are and perhaps the forgiveness they may already have for me. It's not easy to be laid bare. I just heard from a classmate that the cause of my friend Stan Rother has moved ahead. They have examined his life at great length and found it to be heroic. I could have told them the same. It's funny, Stan and I spent a lot of time together and had many, many intimate conversations together, but he is definitely a person in my life I do not have to ask for forgiveness. I guess his goodness transferred to me in some way. As he did not ask to be spared, I am reluctant to ask him for me. Rather, I pray for his courage, love and sense of justice. He loved his people and they loved him. My life has been full of Stan Rother's. I only wish I could have emulated them more closely.

Tomorrow, I see my doctor. I'm not sure what I will hear so I wanted to get something in writing. I pray for the grace to get beyond transition and into the hands of Mary and Jesus where I can then approach the Father. The Holy Spirit has stayed behind as a strength for the final journey, Forgive me for this very personal entry.

The Finality, No Frank it's Not Final

Yesterday was 0911, but that wasn't the end, but the beginning.

Last week I met with my new specialist for what I thought was to be further "good news." My faith tells me it was "good news". I've started my final journey and my cancer is no longer stable. That incurable cancer is sitting out there just waiting for its time.

Through these last years I was beginning to feel guilty by continuing to hang in there. Don't get me wrong, I'm 100% human and these end times scare the hell out of me, but sometimes so many good things happen that give you strength. Tonight I was lying here and my depression pill was yet to kick in when I went to my blog. I don't know why, but I went to the comment section and it was incredible. Do you have any idea what wonderful things you said to me? My God, if just some of them are true, maybe there is some hope for me.

My entire life has taught me and I have believed in the "Good News." Help me renew my faith, and never let it slip simply because the going might get rough.

Thank God for your continued friendship.

The Deck & The Green Grass

I don't know when our home looked so beautiful. For the last month, pretty much without fail, I've had the luxury of sitting outside and absorbing the rays. The weather has been delightful and it's brought new vitality to each moment. At times I've even feared a sunburn. Can you imagine a sunburn in Tacoma?

Who said I didn't have a retirement? These last days have been more than a retirement. Without the hassle of travel, the added expense of extra luggage and the charges for better seating, use of pillows and blankets my front and rear of the house have been heavenly. Sheila did countless flower pots while she was with us and they are truly beautiful and accent the beauty of nature. The rabbits and birds have been constant companions. The rabbits seem to be younger and filled with vitality. At first we thought them a threat to the flower pots, but the cones on the ground seemed to be sufficient enough for them. The birds came and went. All of a sudden they were everywhere. They returned to their old haunts and refurnished their nests around the house and on the house. I had my own seat for their cycle of bringing new life to our area. It's hard to put a number on the births. All came into this world without the aid of mid-wife or doctor. I wasn't aware of any c sections. The first days when they peeked over the edge of their nests were exciting. I even became accustomed to their language of hunger and the flight plans of parents each day to provide sustenance to their young. The last few weeks have again quieted down as the young "flew the coop". However, those weeks were really pleasant as I sat and meditated, read the newspapers and finished a few books. I even got in a sketch of the front yard which was fun. If I only had talent, painting would be incredible. I sat out for hours and Kris joined me one day for well over eight o'clock.

We've taken a few baby steps in moving towards Denver. Our neighbor sat with us one afternoon and shared loads of ideas and practical help. I was happy as can be because he reinforced many of the points I made. It's easy when another comes up with things because it feels like you're swimming against the tide when their yours. We have even given up some things. Some, but not much.

I don't know how many of you may have seen South Pacific on PBS but if you did I'm sure you felt the same as Kris and I, magnificent. The stars and cast were A number one Broadway. Being blessed with wide screen it was almost like front row center at Times Square. What a pleasure! You must watch channel 9 and its great programming. An education with every show. I hope you also tune into the cspan's to see for yourself what is happening in Washington by watching the congressional hearings on important legislation. Enough of that, I don't get a commission for my tv recommendations.

One of our neighbors is in need of your prayers. He is a young guy who just went through his second bone marrow transplant. His wife lost her father to Multi Myeloma. Like me he was only given a few days to live and that's what happened. The father, shortly after his diagnosis died. I must have been one of the first with the new medications. Tom is the father of a young baby . He is a lawyer with a very bright future. His wife needs those prayers so don't let her down. There is an auction for them today. The family has to rent a second residence in Seattle while Tom is treated for his cancer. Don't let him down.

Come back July, where did you go?

It's been too long since my last blog. I looked down and it was July 1st and now August is slipping away. I know I didn't waste it all. I've tried to use each day profitably, but maybe that's what makes it travel at light speed. Our grandson Kellan told his grandmother that he was going "back" to school. He's in the second grade. Grandma was heartbroken because she missed so much of the first grade.

My tests have come back with a little blip in them. They're monitoring them closely so don't forget those prayers that have gotten me this far. I have a new doctor who is trying to get a handle on my history so there is a little frustration on the part of all involved.

Chloe's sister has been here for the last seven weeks and has helped with every aspect of our lives and we couldn't be more appreciative. It will be with a heavy heart that we drop her off at the airport next Saturday.

I picked up my paint brush last week and that felt good. I'm going to try and do another portrait. I was enthused by the kind remarks of Doc upon the reception of his portrait. He made my day. Perhaps I can do more and I'm going to move ahead.

We are thinking very hard about the possibility of moving to Denver. It would mean leaving Monty Pope behind, but it would bring Kellan, Zoe Brooklyn and Dexter closer. Chloe misses every day as do I, but I'm just overwhelmed by the love of the kids and their grandma. I wish every kid in the world got a touch of that "love". It sure would make the world a better place to live. Yesterday was baseball day in the backyard with Monty. He can slam that ball and he is able to hit it over the fence. Again, grandma was out there with her broken arm catching, running, tagging and allowing him to score every time he ran the bases. That was after several hours in the Kellan Monty play room. If we move there has to be one of those rooms in the house where they can run and play their hearts out.

Laura is now at the end of my bed where she sleeps every night. She is the greatest cat and we have been very lucky with her. We fell in love with her at the pound and she has never let us down. Hurray for Laura,

The days have been a gift from the heavens. I've actually been acting like I'm retired. For at least five days in a row I have been sitting outside and reading. We went to Barnes and Noble and went nuts. They had reduced a whole slew of hard covers to six and seven $. They were good books and we broke the bank. I'm just finishing over a thousand pages of the Ronald Reagan Diary. Although I'm not necessarily a big fan I identify very well with every entry. He wrote an entry for every day of his presidency of the eight years. He loved Nancy more than anything in his life and was a mess whenever she left the White House without him. He loved her almost as much as I love Chloe. I've been in heaven going from out front to out back and suckng in every moment of just right sun shine.

We had at least eight baby birds born around our home this year. It happens every year and brings a certain warmth to the house each year. You can almost set your calendar to their arrival.

I'd be indebted to you if you would remember my best friend Msgr Jim Cooney. Our relationship stretches back beyond 50+ years. He has been really sick and age is not being nice to him. If you have not had a friend like Jim in your life you have been impoverished. Thanks.

I want to also thank all of you "out there" who have taken the time to periodically read my ramblings. Stay well, smile and above all else "Hang in there."

Update

Since last we met I spent seven days in the hospital. They said I was really in bad shape and the surgeons followed me right through the last day. I left the hospital much better than when I entered. That's the name of the game. I also met and found many friends, doctors, nurses and aides. It was good to go home, but the stay was not all that bad.

Chloe continues to keep my body and soul together. Not an easy job. Immediately I'm going through my withdrawals of night sweats, nightmares and depression due to being off my cancer pill. I go 27 days on and 7 days off. Every cycle is hell as I withdraw. There is disagreement about what we should do. If anything! It keeps me in touch with those suffering from the pill industry, but I would not be alive without them.

Laura and others were happy to have me return home. I've managed to get out of my bed every day since my return. I'm going to try and stay active and try to develop some muscles that I haven't used in quite a while. Perhaps I can even make it just a little easier on Chloe. That can make a difference.

I feel very blah right now and I think that's exactly what I'm putting on paper, blah and plenty of it. I don't know why I should subject you to how I feel. I'll give it a few more minutes and then give up the ghost. I'm watching Last Comedian Standing as I labor through this blog. I can't tell who more is in need me or them. I can't believe they are so bad, but I have a great deal of respect for comedy, but it's not here tonight.

Please keep me in your thoughts as I work through a few things. I know God has kept me around to make a contribution and pray I'll find out exactly what that is. I'm excited about the possibilities, but anxious about getting started.

The Comedy Club is now starting to go before the audience. I think it’s going to be a slaughter house. Duck folks the bricks are on their way or they should be. I don't like the way they have this laid out and I think it’s doomed before getting started. I'm going to stop the blog and pay attention and if things don't change they will have the plug pulled. In the old days there must have been more drinking. Oh no.

It's a new day and I'm still not with it. It's Thursday and it will be Saturday night before I go back on my chemo pill. I can't begin to imagine what people went through without it. It makes you less of a judge about those who take things in their own hands. Every day I reach out to those suffering and their loved ones. Let God be their judge.

I wish I heard more from you all. Just a little note on the blog will go a long way in staying in touch with you. I care very much about you and its comforting just holding your hand. I guess that's why twitter is so poplar it keeps people more in touch and less isolated. I solution is almost evil unless practiced for the right reason. So many of the early saints went out into the desert to remain closer to God. It was in that environment that they got in touch with their inner selves and found meaning to their lives and to the place of others to theirs. God frequently spaces with a roar in the silence of one’s life. Today's monasteries provide environments that allow some to remain in touch with the sacrament of God's love, Himself.

Chloe is off to the doctor for a post operative follow up. With all the back and forth about her thyroids being cancerous and her needing the operation, we are extremely happy they found no cancer. We are so lucky. Her overnight in the hospital didn't allow enough time for rest. Since my sleep hours were late she'll have to go without me. I can dress myself except for my special stockings and shoes. We were saying last night that it's hard to believe how the stockings have helped. I was on the way to a great deal of disfigurement and the potential of problems with blockages in the legs. Wow, God has been so good to me. Cross your fingers, I start with my new doctor on July 7th after Cox's retirement at the end of this month. I'm a little anxious.

MultiCare has just finished a renewal and the addition of a new building which now houses oncology. Everything is on the same floor and quite spacious and beautiful. Many, I'm sure love the privacy and isolation of the new digs. However, we dislike it big time for the very same reason. We initial through the first few years spent as much as 50 to 75% of our time there each day and many days each week. Because of the openness and flow of the facilities we got to know and meet so many. We almost looked forward to our visits and made many friends.

I'll end with relating one side effect that was never diagnosed or treated while in the emergency room and hospital. In fact as I recall it was pain similar to that which first crippled me five years ago. No doubt about it, on a scale of 1 to 10, it was a 10. Incredible pain. It was located at the bottom of my spine. I don't know what brought it on or what made it go away. While in the hospital taking me to and from cat scans it was just incredible. Thank God I no longer have it or expect it to be past history.

I can’t tell you how strongly I reply upon your support, thoughts and prayers. Thanks.

Age...ism - Please Help

Extend your arm. Please quietly without fuss or bother, extend your arm. Grant me the grace of not having to ask, but also the sensitivity of knowing when to withdraw it. Wow! I thought I'd never find the humility of asking. Help me, I've had multi myeloma phase II for almost five years and I've been in remission for two to three of those years. All, wheelchair and bedridden bound during that time frame. Forgive me, if I tell you I still don't know what means. I've been to the doctors up the gazoo. I've been hospitalized, operated on, had blood transfusions, bone infusions and lots of other things inclusive of workshops, retreats and counseling sessions one on one and with all configurations of my family. Worst of all from time to time, I've just been sick. Cancer, I'll work with, but sick!! I'm a coward. Extend your arm, save me from asking and be so sensitive to my needs that it almost makes you sick just trying to help. What is it, Frank? What is it you need? Just tell me your needs and I'll do my best to respond. I'm sorry, as difficult as it is for you to know what it is you can do for me, so too, is that difficulty to tell you my needs.

The last time I walked normally was the morning I conducted a class, cried with a colonel whose Iraqi' employee's were assassinated, asked my boss permission to leave early, drove home with no remembrance of it and was later found by family unconscious in the garage. I think that's what happened. Maybe not! I learned to walk again and then lost it again. I think there may be a consensus within the family that I can do better than I do. I can't face that. I'm too much of a coward to admit to that. I want to believe that I'm doing all I can and I'm probably too defensive to admit otherwise. "Age..ism". Please help. Kris deserves better than that. My family and friends deserve more than that along with all of those others with cancer who can't do better. Forgive me! Help me! Pray for me to do better. Save me from seeking sympathy and allowing your graciousness to turn into an undeserved, unwanted empathy that has littler no curative graces connected to it. That isn't even worthy of Laura's therapeutic help on my behalf.

"Age…ism". I never even alluded to it until today watching the Episcopal Cathedral service this morning on behalf of Dr. 66rr8y . It seemed like the entire world had come to pay her homage inclusive of the President and other dignitaries. I shed many tears and felt no remorse for doing so. She was 98 and had just completed her last book, uu4ujmr four months ago. Please go to the internet and once again be motivated to goodness by the life of another. Read of the saints in our midst and not of those who would do us harm by the example their lives lay out for us. Yesterday, a little baby weighing one ounce less than five pounds left the hospital back East to be taken home by the most thankful and loving parents who ever lived. Mary Elise originally weighed in at less than 2 pounds. When we celebrate her memorial 100+ years from now, I pray that she be not only recognized by the then President of the United States, but one of those honors perhaps might be, having been one of the greatest Presidents of the United States, Mary Elycie whose span of Presidency was one of peace and prosperity for all of the world. Not a hope, ousted the realm of possibilities. I've always wanted to write a book on the First Female Pontiff. Please, extend your arm, sense when to withdraw it, and help me to fully match the physical capabilities of my body with the clearness of mind that I presently maintain. I don't think I did that for my father, but wish I had.

Right before my body threw me a left hook with cancer, my son brought a request from a mutual friend that made my heart go pitter patter. He asked if I would do a portrait of him. Wow! I thought. I've sat on it for years now wanting so desperately to do it, but never doing it. Doc is getting married this summer. Recently, I picked up my pastels and with a little bit of encouragement and support from others I'll have it ready for Mike to take back to Baltimore with him. Perhaps, if we're lucky, he'll be able to get it into an overhead without an extra charge. Cancer, yes, but not age…ism. My cataracts have been removed from both eyes and the other more extremee eye problem has yet to attack fully armed, and so while I still can, let's get on with it and perhaps he'll love it to death. Thanks again, for hearing me out. Love you all.

Blog 3-30-2010

I typically don't do this, but I have to preface my (Tara) dad's blog with "I'm really far behind on postings for him" - this one was written on 3/30/10 even though it's being posted today 5/19/10...another one to come....

Only one more day and my favorite month slips away. Couldn’t we start it over again. Come in God, give us a second to appreciate it more than we did the first time around. That’s okay, you need not answer. I already know the answer, we only get to go around one time. That would really be enough, if we only gave it a better shot first time around. You know what, it was good and I want to thank you for it.

We had a home Mass last week. A friend of ours had a schedule yesterday and we thought for all of our sakes, it would be good to get together. Thank God, it had not spread.

My cancer remains in remission. I’ve managed to get out of the house several times which has really been helpful to my morale. Many of those times were involved in going to my grandson, Monty Pope’s soccer practice or games. Its been fun and I’ve had a lot of fun putting together movies. You’ll find them on You Tube under my name and videos. He and his father had a wild time on a beautiful day and I caught most of it and again published it under “Beautiful Day’ which stood for a great day on the outside and inside. I’m publishing this stuff on Facebook, Your Space, Twittter and other places. Yes, it has been fun and if I don’t mind saying so myself, the pictures were great. I’d love to know what you think. Please.

My heart has been bleeding about the scandals of the church. Can’t be hurt unless you love. I’ve never not loved a moment of time with my church. As I said, you’ll never know unless you really love. We’re remembering this week those most terrible hours in Jesus’ life, the agony in the garden. When he took a good look at me and found how unworthy I really am. Despite that, the love was always there.

I’m dreaming this spring again, getting season’s tickets to the Rainer’s game. Talk about heaven. Special parking for the handicapped followed by a great ramp and seating arrangements for my wheelchair. Quiet please, don’t wake me up and lose my dream. I so bad want to go. Is there anyone out there looking to play hookey from work and take me to the game. Thanks everyone for continuing to be there for me.

From despair to repair

It's almost spooky. It's 5:15am and I've been glued to my computer all evening. Now that I've discovered how to use it for all its movie and clip value I find my entire life shifting from day to night. My body does not function until after 2pm. Prior to that I'm just an entire mess. Yesterday morning was the worst of my life. The previous night I was exhausted and begged off on some medication. I'm already in the cycle where I don't take for 7 days my cancer medication which has some real side effects. During this period I have terrible nightmares. However, I didn't take medication which controls my mood and disposition. Wow! you talk about coming off cold turkey. I was in despair. I told Kris to put me in hospice and my thoughts of death were immediate and lacked faith. The poor people who have no drug regimen and have to live with pain and the other horrible effects of illnesses. Incredible!

Somehow, I think God allowed me to sense this abandonment that I might begin to understand the plight of others and maybe find a way to outreach and in some way bring comfort and kindness. Recently the plight of the aids victims and the hurt of the gay community itself has been brought to my attention. What to do? What am I capable of doing? I know that I'm gifted to share my own personal wounds and maybe I can reach out and bring comfort. Please pray for this intention and give me some direction. I have an interest in the girls of India nod want to continue attempting to raise money for their plight. I have written this week to Meeghan Black of Evening Magazine suggesting a show for the Wounded Warriors at the VA facility at American Lake. Sue Maloney is working there and I'm sure she brings kindness and dedication to each day's labor.

I think I should really bring the day to a close. Perhaps a short prayer would be helpful. Dear God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit, please bring me strength and comfort as I put myself back together again. Yesterday, I thought it not possible to arrive at today. The pain, loneliness, and sense of despair was and is too much for me to handle. I've been and continue to be surrounded by love and I thank you so much. How do others carry on who are not surrounded by Kris, Tara, Mike, Tim, Jim, Debi, Jessie and my grandchildren. The rest of my family and the unlimited number of friends and countless blessings can so easily be taken away. I didn't know that and I still don't understand this balance of the mind that can so easily be restricted. In this prayer i cannot forget all of those experiencing this havoc of the mind which so many suffer from. Forgive me for never understanding others in this way. Forgive me and bring me strength. Give me faith, hope and charity. Allow me to grow in these gifts which allow intimacy, friendship and love not only here, but with you. I beg others to pray for me that I might become an instrument of love and goodness. I will not re read this before sending it to Tara and to the blog where I expose my weakness and lack of faith. Let us pray. Good might and allow your goodness in this coming day. Mary, Mother of God comfort me.

Hello Out There

Hello out there! Are you still there with me? I sincerely hope so. What kind of excuses can I send your way? I just don’t know if any will hold any water.

I’m going to attempt to post a recent picture with full raggedy beard. I honestly believe it's a reflection of what was going on within me. I’m glad God didn't call me because I certainly didn’t feel ready. I sort of, kinda didn’t feel anyone would want to be in my company. Can anyone tell me where 1/1/10 until yesterday went. It was a speedy unfilled time. I wish I could better reflect to others the effects that drugs (I think drugs.) have on you. Anyway, anyhow, at this moment things are a lot brighter. I’ve been kicking myself for not enough activity in my life, but then again, maybe there was just enough. Not to cop out completely I constantly ask Chloe what kind of a burden I am, but she’s constantly not complaining, although I don’t know how she really can’t. I have to be a pain in the ass and that’s just no fun for anyone. I do try each day to be less of a pain and take inventory as best I can. Tara sent me a laundry list that might make life for others just a little more fruitful and scout’s honor, I’ll give it a shot.

It's almost 2 am and the program I was in started to balk about me being in it so I've had to switch to TextEdit and just hope it will work. I'm sorry Tara. It's in RichTextFormat and should work. I'll fight it out for another 1/2 hour and then relax into Frontline or Frontline World to close out my day or should I say morning.

I spent several hours with my eye doctor this afternoon and all is well with the world. I'm 20/20 in both eyes and the part of the eye that was crinkled is now lying flat. Both the cataract eye operations and the gall bladder seem to be making me a more better physical human being. I recall my dad back in the late 40's almost going blind before they were able to help. If you know anyone reluctant about getting help, tell them a piece of cake. However, I also know it hasn't been true for some so remember, the best advice comes from the doctor and not from people like me.

I've hidden from the horrors of Haiti and Chile. I just couldn't take it and have bunkered myself away with the Olympics. What a coward. I wish I could go and be of some help. Prayer may be better than any help I could offer on the ground.

I watched a piece on Roberto Clemente yesterday and his response to the Nicaragua earthquake. The poor guy rented a DC6 and loaded it with supplies. It was a dunk box and they flew him right into the ocean from his home in Puerto Rico and they were never heard from again. I flew on such a piece of crap once. We had the farm club of the New Orleans Saints staying at the seminary with us one summer. It was a great piece of business. They had an away game outside of Boston and chartered one of those unregulated garbage trucks. I couldn't believe it. They really did check the tires by simply kicking them. You would not believe some of the junk that is up there trying to desperately stay up there trying to get one more trip out of it. That night it was raining and I have to tell you I may have shit my paints. Remember a few years ago when an entire college team went down with all the players and coaches. It sends shivers up my back even now. Clemente was at the peek of his career and he couldn't have been doing more for others.

I'll annoy you with one more of those kind of stories. I once flew first class across the aisle from Jackie Robinson shortly before his death. I am proud to say I left him alone and didn't bug him although that's exactly what I wanted to do. His hair at that time was 101% snow white from suffering the pangs and barbs of those who would bring him as much suffering as possible. The same was true with Clemente. I remember having a beer in a backwards segregated bar. It was L shaped. I think I must have drunk out of the last water fountain back in '57 in Alabama. When we walked out from the seminary in those days the locals honestly believed we had webbed feet as Catholics, but you know what, having webbed feet is not all webbed feet is not all that uncommon. Enough of that nonsense and just a few extra prayers that we stop hating one another. I watch some of the portals in Iraq and Pakistan and at times listen to the hatred for us not only because we're Americans, but more so because we're Jews or Christians. Even today, there is so much persecution going on against one or another. When will we learn? The Balkans continue to be a hot bed of hatred. What a wonderful joy to see Hilary exit Air Force One in Saudi. Our gals within Marriott had to put up with that shit when they accepted an assignment behind enemy (ally lines) lines.

Again I say and mean it, good night oh no, good morning.

Where are you now?

I want to get a blog written, in the hope that one of you out there might just take a second to write back and say hello. I’ve missed the comments and the shortest entry goes such a long way to bolster my spirits. If you have a moment, would you just drop me a line? I think of you often and would love to know the feeling is mutual.

I’ve been having exchanges with various individuals as to whether there might be some role for me to play in helping to prevent veteran suicides. Two weeks ago I was speaking with a former counselor still involved who was hurting over the last suicide right there at Ft. Lewis. You can’t imagine how I envy so many of you for the work you are doing for the veteran. I think envy is an appropriate and descriptive word to describe my feelings. I don’t think a day or week goes by that you don’t impact a soldier in need. A soldier, who doesn’t even know or understand some of that confusion and anxiety that churns them up and leaves them lying by the side of the road hurting from a blast they never saw or experienced until it was just too late. Their security guard was off the hook and they thought being back was going to be enough to make everything go away. It’s not too long after they’re off the plane and hit home soil that the voice inside speaks out asking what’s next. Who do I turn to and where do I go? Is there anyone out there that really cares? Will someone show me they are doing more than a job? The soldier at first gives us the benefit of the doubt. They meet us and they want to believe that we really care. They are not always looking for the right answer, but having the right answer to their problems will earn you millions of miles of recognition for a job well done. Few people at Ft. Lewis have an opportunity each night of going home able to say sincerely, today I made a difference. I am so jealous of you and I envy you so much. The soldiers you serve are for the most part just good people. You are honored by just serving them and making a difference in their lives and the lives of their families. God bless you for who you are and for what you do. Your work brings a sense of love and wards off suicide.

If you can figure out how I might help in sharing with you in the work you do, please write me a comment. With continued respect for you, I am

Frank Kabisch

A Home of Hope!!!

From my bed, can I still make a contribution. It has been getting cold in Seattle. Very cold. My son asked, dad, can I have your clothes to give to my guys. His guys are the homeless of Seattle. He has been successful in finding homes, but was in need clothing wise. Mike and his mom wiped out my closets and my bureaus. I find comfort in knowing others walk the streets in my place and in warmth. He said they seemed very pleased. However, that’s not much. You can really get more for your investment. Take note of the above this address. http://www.homeofhopeindia.org/index.php

Several weeks ago, I said to Kris that I would like to make a contribution of some sort to support the work on behalf of girls. Something to make them more free in a very hostile world and prepare them for leadership roles tomorrow. Bingo,

http://www.homeofhopeindia.org/index.php

The answer to my quest. You’ll find within this web page an article by Paul Wilkes that allows us to reach across nations and get a tremendous ROI. Every business man/woman looks for the greatest ROI before investing their labor and material blessings. Many have been burned by Barney Madoff and others, but I’ve found the greatest potential. God made the initial investment and left room for us to find ourselves by giving of ourselves. Perhaps you too, can take the shirt off your back and the loose change that might still be left in your pockets. If God calls me from my cancer bed that will be one thing, but if I’m able to still make a contribution how much better, but how colossal if I hear not only “you’re in remission” but the rest of the invitation, “pick up your pallet and walk”.

This past week, Dr Cox said all is positive and I have been walking. Not far and not all that steady but walking. Encourage me, “don’t look down, look straight ahead, set a newer target, grab my hand, allow me to help.”

One of the brothers, Bro. Jarlath, in my high school, St. Francis Prep, Brooklyn was about a quarter of a mile from the finish line of the largest cross country race at Cortland Park in NY. We stretched out at the start in the hundreds. I, like a fool, ran my ass off and found myself hurting so badly, but in the upper numbers as we stretched out towards the finish. I wanted to die and I wanted to give up. I felt so alone! Jarlath, wouldn’t let me. He screamed like a maniac that if I hung in there I could make a real difference and he ran with me for part of the remaining distance. Before collapsing head first into the dirt, I crossed the finish line. I hated cross country with a passion. It took so much out of me. I finished seventh which added enough points to the team score, no medal that they finished first.

Could you spare a nickel or dime for these girls? There is no Barney Madoff here, but yet they will return sevenfold at least,+++plus.

God bless

Merry Christmass

http://www.homeofhopeindia.org/index.php