Hold the Tears, Not that "Dire"

Have I cried "fire" within a theatre. I guess I have. I apologize, I'm extremely sorry and I wish I knew how to handle things in the future. I'll try!

Today's visit to the doctor was a tough one for the three of us, Chloe, the doctor and myself. It started from the get go. We had planned to wait for the doctor to give us the latest stats and his assessment of those stats. So much for plans. The doc, who I chose to replace Dr. Cox started out by asking me how things were going? I responded fine. As he went to the computer I said I lied. Things could not be worse and I thought I had run into a brick wall. I explained what happened to me when I was told I had six days and then I was into my second year when I asked Dr. Cox what was going on and how much time I had left, he smiled and said if you're asking me if you are going to die, you're not at this time. Wow, what an incredible change of events.

Dr. Wadsworth, was devastated. He had never intended to be so dire and allow us to be left with such a negative evaluation. He was almost heartbroken that we were left with over a month before he could make amends. He assumed complete responsibility for giving the wrong picture and spent loads of time making sure we understood completely where he was coming from. I told him I shared the responsibility. He is a good man and a great doctor and that's why I chose him. He is still unaware of why certain things were done and that he also is concerned about one number that continues to be too high. He doesn't want to do some things that would give further clarity, but also have a negative effect. He wants to wait at least six months before making any changes to my regimen. He does not see 5 years as being the end of the line and would be taking further aggressive steps before the end. He will leave the medications as is for now.

So, once again I have caused you all added anxiety for something that did not come to pass. I honestly thought things were going bad quickly and the end was coming pretty quickly. I'm sorry. I have to find a way to change my ways. I sincerely don't know what to do. I attempted to move my concern from death to be more focussed on my faith. Writing helps me to do that and some form of sharing helps me get strength from you my friends who read these blog entries. I promise at this moment to attempt to give more than I have ever given and to move on so that perhaps my life might be a source of strength to another.

Forgive me and pray for me. Stan Rother may still be at my side. Thanks.