Merry Christmas, Happy New Year

Family Update '08

Tara is employed with Starz Entertainment in Colorado.  Mike walks the streets of Seattle in search of homeless with a special eye out for the vet.  He's done with his class work and this is his final OJT towards his drug/alcohol counseling certification.  Tim raises Monty Pope as the most fantastic of kids.  Their spouses, Jim, Debi and Jessie continue to be the pride of our lives.  Kris sacrifices all to care and love me.  I remain stable in my cancer as I move into my fourth year of survival.  

When asked if I've had a good day my response is more focused.  No, I never do, but the hours and minutes have been enough to make it all worthwhile, fantastic moments of a lifetime.  The warmth of a childhood remembrance, the experiences of teenage progress and failure, the strong and faulty steps of adulthood and the marvels of priesthood, marriage, and parenthood bring depth and joy to these moments of now.  We have grown in your friendships as we have been nourished by the gifts of God throughout our lives.

The laughs and joys of each day continue as they provide balance to the pain and hurt of a cancer little understood.  I am humbled in moments of self-pity by the courage and love of friends in their illnesses and deaths.  they have lit the highway before me as I maneuver the turns and dangers that arise from day to day.  Their examples help us to better appreciate the celebrations of the year and now of Christmas.

There will be toys under the tree.  We will all be together.  In our togetherness we will laugh and enjoy the day as we ponder the mystery of it all.  Jesus is born to us.  Mary is happy amidst her sufferings and Joseph will forever be a model of quiet strength and gift of self.  May we all be granted a level of faith that brings alive the meaning of love in togetherness, gift giving, sacrifice and prayer.

God bless you all in His love.

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year

Today, the star shines down upon us at the very moment it shine upon the child within the stable.  It shines with eternal hope that can't be quenched by time or distance.  The child within the crib smiles for having been recognized as savior of the UNIVERSE.  

The word "universe" is just too impersonal to convey the personal and intimate nature of this encounter of God and man.  It's an encounter with the Infinite.  It's an encounter with an innumerable number of souls inclusive of my own.

Grasping the hand of my mother on one side and my dad on the other, I had my introduction to this manger scene of hope.  As my brothers/sisters before me and those who would follow after me, we were introduced to the "baby Jesus."  Yes, now simply a cast of stone depicting the love of their family and mine.  We the peoples of the world begin a unity with each other in a brotherhood of one in His name.  It's a family within the loving power of Jesus Christ.  We are one with each other within the unity of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

This season I prepare once again for this celebration of love incarnate.  The intimacy and simplicity of God's gift sweeps me off my feet into a bliss never experienced before.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving. Most especially to Bill Bettyas who has been responsible for my blog from day one of my illness. It was his creation and along with his son, Jason implemented and then maintained it up to this day. As of this insert Bill relinquishes the reins to my daughter Tara. Bill, I will always be thankful to you for your kindness. God bless you and yours.

To all who have helped sustain my life I say thank you. To my parents and relatives who provided life and maintained it I say thank you. To my wife, Chloe who I have loved from the moment I first met her, I say thank you for your love. To my children who have now surpassed our love for them in their love for us I say thank you. To my family and friends who I could never have lived without I say thank you. To my enemies I ask their forgiveness and love for my lack of love towards you. God knows my love and failure to love and I ask His continued love for me in my unworthiness.

Today we go to Debi’s and Tim’s home to share in the thanksgiving meal as the torch is passed. Jessie and Mike will join us. Although Jim and Tara will not be there we are pumped up in knowing they will arrive on Christmas day.

I have found a new way of expressing myself, when asked about my cancer. It is “I never have a good day, but I have innumerable magnificent good moments during all those days which makes it all worth while”. God, family and friends have always been at my side both figuratively and actually. I am very blessed.

MILESTONE Mike and Tim took me for a walk within Madera last week. Mike rode my wheelchair to the point I could go no further. It brought a great sense of achievement. I have been consistent on my treed mill each day for 5 10 15 and now 20 minutes. I’m now a little more faithful to my exercises. The pool has been great help.

My grandson had an operation last week on both legs. It looks like a great success. My daughter Tara was overwhelmed about how well everything went. Denver’s new children’s hospital has done everything right inclusive of staffing. I hope they realize how important they are in the lives of others.

I hope that you made the passing of the “big bird” worthwhile. Now prepare for the most spiritual Christmas of your lives. Pray for me.

Dominus vobiscum. Et Cum Spiritutu tuo

We are all beginning to feel the spirit of Thanksgiving creep in upon us. What we have to be thankful for starts once again with life itself. Once it sinks in that you should really be gone, so also does the need to be a thankful person. You start with God Himself and then begin to verbalize the names of those you love who surround you day and night. They treat you as though you were the only one in the world. So many big things supported by so many little things.

As I write these words I have begun to think of the long list of individuals who have made their mark upon me these last three years. Those closest to me have spent the night sleeping with me or sitting next to me, sleepless by my side. The limitless number of tasks performed to maintain my body and spirit. First they fought for my life itself and then struggled to improve the quality of that life. So many prayers in support of the breath you take and strength you attempt to muster in support of movement and breath. Oh! so much to be thankful for. Happy Thanksgiving to you. I owe you all so much.

The treadmill and 'fitness pool' have been so helpful along with the three prunes of am and pm. I go few places today without my electric chair and a grandchild in my lap. The only question is who is having more fun. Having them on board tends to make me more careful. Last week I wrote a fantastic piece for my blog. What a crying shame when I fell asleep and erased the entire entry. Unlike the other stuff I have written, you would have liked it. I no longer fall asleep but pass out. I don't know if I am awake or asleep. Some of you may be asking, so, what else is new???

I had Kris fly to Denver this week to support Tara and Jim. My grandson, Kellan, had operations on both of his legs and spent the night in the hospital. We suspect all went well and await that confirmation in the morning. My heart went pitter-patter when Kellan said on the way to the hospital, "I wish grandpa could have been with us." However, he was excited to know that he would be sleeping in a hospital bed like mine. My son Tim and his wife Debbi, along with grandson, Monty, moved in with me. With Debbi being a Nurse Practitioner, I have the very best of care only surpassed by Kris, who is the Cat's meow. Speaking of the cat, Laura is broken-hearted by Kris not being around. She has no one to fight with in the morning.

Community Pool – No Swimming

I’ve now entered into another new world - the elderly and maimed exercise pool. You have all stopped at one time or another to peek over at them in an isolated area of the pool. You’ve felt a little guilty in sneaking a peek, but curiosity always got the better of you.

There were usually no exceptions to the age requirement. All seemed to be in their 90’s with the only exception being an individual with an apparent illness or injury. Although noisy, they were never rowdy. Frequently a smile on each individuals face, but usually a scowl that said don’t thread on me. Their territory was not very inclusive and was not welcome to increased membership. The fewer the better was an unspoken requirement of this elite gathering. Well, this week I dared to enter their world.

I spent the last month - one day a week - in the physical fitness pool of my recuperation program. A painful and grossly difficult place where I set out to walk again. It was a small well heated pool hidden away within the facility. It had a very nice bathroom and shower area next to the pool. Unlike your normal community pool set up Kris was able to enter with me and assist in getting me ready. Most often a challenge because of my stockings and unhealed back. Once prepared in my superman suit I walked out with walker to one of the benches. There I sat in preparation of being hoisted into the air and down into the pool. It was an area approximately 10 X 8. (I think!) Once there I attempted to walk and do all my exercises under the direction of Brian, my trainer. For one full hour, with minutes of rest, I exhausted myself and prepped my body for a good night’s sleep. It was a great experience and showed later in my walk. The pain that followed was like that of the Olympic athlete.

The community pool is administered by two young lifeguards. My afternoon group consisted of about 15 who were all part of an exercise class. I was seeking a small spot where I could do my exercise. I was able to use my electric wheelchair to move around the bathroom and pool area. What a blessing. Once poolside the fires of hell engulfed me in the utter coldness of the pool. It was absolute torture in moving down the ladder. My body restricted my body to VERY SLOW. With each step and movement my body went into a cold numbness I had never experienced before. I wanted to cry but restrained myself. Had I not already emptied my bladder I would have done so without control. Once in the pool the cold remained, never to cease during my stay. I thought one elderly woman was approaching me to assist but rather she wanted me to get out of the way. However, another made suggestions that did help. When finished, Kris and I returned to the men’s locker area where she helped me dry and redress. Coward that I am, I will not return again until I solve the problem of the cold. Perhaps a wet suit would help? I would not hesitate to wear one.

Today, I return to my physical fitness pool.

Not a Good Time

These last few weeks have been tough. Many of my friends have been struck with cancer and several have already moved ahead to eternal life where they will be separated from us until our time. Today, I thought it was my time. Extremely bad morning and difficult for me to hang in there. However, it is over and I’m lying here by myself having a few laughs with Saturday Night Live. We all live a funny life, do we not? Prayers please, for my friends. I know a little of what they are going through.

Next week will be my third trip to the pool. That’s where I do my exercises not where I lose my money. One full hour of non-stop exercise. It takes two days before I realize I’ve been hit by a truck. However, I love the sessions. Feel great when I leave the pool.

If you wish to share some of the pain I am going through, check your 401(k) and stock portfolio if you have the courage. Of course you can really sock it to yourselves by checking the value of your home immediately after you’ve paid the inflated taxes. Oh yes, like I said above, these last few weeks have been rough. Just think where you could have spent those dollars. Wow!

If I were a sadist, I’d ask if you are Seahawk fans and go there for escape and enjoyment. What was the name of the baseball team you gave your heart and soul to here in Seattle? Notice, most of the above are on the personal side - nothing about the war, elections or the major tragedies that we share in each week. Take a few moments and inventory your own week and come up with the positive things which are also so much of your life.

When Kris was in Denver a few weeks ago she played all kinds of exhaustive imagination games with the kids. This week she received a call from the basement of their home. It was Jim who was placing a call from the plane. Kellan 5 and Zoe 2 were in the main cabinet (closet) and were placing a direct call through the steward (Jim. their father). They wanted to tell grandma they were on their way. Get out the toys. Arrival would be with Santa on Christmas day. They had little or no concern about the cost of the call. I think they were paying via mom’s credit card. Jim was in pain because the cabin was a tight place for anyone over 10. It was fun to listen to. They never asked for grandpa.

The picture I’m using with this update is of me and the kids on the floor doing my exercise. They helped make it a fun exercise instead of the usual grind I find them to be. How about updating me on what’s happening in your lives. Cheer me up. Keep the prayers coming. We are going together into our fourth year. I hope you are not completely bored by this blog – the day it stops I will no longer be around or it will be my last days. Go in peace.

Finally Getting Out of the Dog (Cat) House.

Prior to Denver we made plans for our therapeutic cat, Laura. We were going to leave her alone and for the first time we'd be gone for two weeks. We thought it best to leave her in an environment she knew well - our home. Tim and Debi lived up to their promise of visiting almost every other night, and on some occasions spending the night. Laura thought it was not enough. She chose to reward their labors by either hiding when they came. They could not find her anywhere, which sent them into panic mode. When she thought that was not enough pay back, she decided to tell them she was alive and kicking. She began by leaving clues to her presence in different rooms. We were not able to bring Tim and Debi much solace being so far away.

When we got home we were overcome by the newness of the house. It had been Spring cleaned and picked up to the point we didn't recognize it. They worked day and night. There wasn't one clue that would indicate what a brat she had been. It took 1/2 day before she would come out from hiding and greet us. We have now made amends and friendship has been restored.

I've really attempted to show restraint in boring you with stories of my WONDER CAT. She has truly been great for me and has gone a long way in often bringing a smile to my face, a relief from pain, just when I needed it, or simply feeling better because I believe for what it's worth that the "purr" is for me personally. Nothing is funnier than me hearing the crash of pots, the screams of anger, and the cry for help coming from a soaked cat as Kris and Laura begin another day in preparing my coffee. Their love/hate relationship in those first moments of day is incredible. Laura's foster parents must have taught her well in driving the new owners berserk.

I think I'm lucky because Laura hasn't a clue about cancer. She still thinks everything is wonderful with the world, and when I let my guard down, I also am tempted to believe things aren't really as bad as I might think. This past week was the feast day of St. Francis of Assi. He got it straight.

To Denver - From Denver, With Love

Three weeks ago, Kris and I flew off to spend two weeks with Tara, Jim, and Zoe. At the end of the runway, Tara and Zoe awaited our arrival and whisked us to their beautiful home. Jim and Kellan were on the soccer field.

During those two weeks, I again experienced the wonder of God allowing me to live past those six days three years ago. I can't be more thankful that my life has not been restricted to tubes, but instead full of potential only slightly limited. They had rented a hospital bed for me which provided the comfort and rest needed to function better. Once again I found myself on the soccer field. It brought back memories of rooting like a fool for Kellan's mom and uncles. Nice memories. No less exciting to me was my watching my 2 year old grand daughter, Zoe, at her gymnastics practice. She immediately forgot my being there as she walked along the beam like an Olympian of just a few weeks ago. However, the biggest moment came when "Mr. So Important," Kellan, had his grand Ma/Dad visit his kindergarten. "Let me show you. This is my teacher," 'he's a great kid.' "This is our blackboard and here is my stuff, let me show you this and that." I was in seventh heaven. We captured a little bit of their growth before having to return home. The weather was great, and I was able to sit outside in my wheelchair. It felt like Brooklyn as I met many of the neighbors coming and going. That part of my life is now over, and I am back in my own hospital bed still a little exhausted, but totally enriched.

Have you inventoried your last two weeks and are you any less enriched. I doubt it very much, but at times, I do think we miss the real "stuff" of life dwelling too much in the past and future. It's only "now" that we have been gifted with. Careful that you don't allow Tara to become Mrs. Munholland without sharing every moment with her. What a shame that would be.

Lord Have Mercy

Lord Have Mercy...

is a frequent petition within Roman Catholic prayer life and ritual. Lord have mercy on all those who seek our prayers and honor us with their prayers. Lord who has transfigured your person to always be with us in times of need, be with those who have pondered my and their mortality. Let your mercy inflict in us strength, courage, perseverance and love. Let us not get bogged down in the useless worry of our final moments which are known to you alone. When you decide the moment in time, we pray we will be ready to respond. Lord Have Mercy.

Weather

I'm here in Denver, CO for two weeks. Not only has the weather been perfect, but all of those who ponder these things into the future say it will remain.

Airline Food

Our aircraft crew risked their position in the sky, by daring to return a second time with infant size chips. You must congratulate the airlines of today who have reached the highest plateaus of miniaturized packaging. One of these days I fear we will read of a fight in the sky over the last bag of peanuts.

The Grand Kids

Our recollections no longer match the reality. They were small and silent. Now they are young and strong; bodies that show agility and promise and smiles that make you forget the tantrums of growth. Tears have moved from selfishness to frustrations in their inadequacy to fully communicate their hopes, joys and sorrows. The most wonderful grand children in addition to Monty Pope.

Lost and Found Relatives

I once wrote of a niece I spent time with during my last visit to Denver. It was a wonderful visit and I look forward to a follow up next Wednesday. Her brother Larry, my nephew, now share similar illnesses in their symptoms. He has become completely bedridden other than in taking care of his personal bodily functions. His spine is useless and his bones are breaking up making it useless to attempt attaching metal security devices. His limbs, similar to mine have atrophied and will continue to do so. All of his present ills have been recognized as being Vietnam related. Another war that continues to eat up our heroes while our nation returns to establish economic agreements. The price continues to be just too much. Especially when we do not pay it. No more war.

I once again thank you for sharing my journey. You have lightened my burden.

OLYMPICS - OLYMPICS - OLYMPICS

The one thing that seemed confirmed to me. No one stands on that middle riser and has that gold medal hung around their neck without a great deal of hurt and hard work. As their national anthems salute their courage and their blessings, few stand without a sense of the miracle of the Olympics and their unworthiness to be so recognized. My dear friends I have run the race and despite the fact I will die sometime in the future, today I stand before you with my cancer having been beaten into submission. My cancer can never be cured but it is presently in total remission. God has allowed me three years that no one would have ever thought to be in my future. - I'm alive and no longer being eaten up and having my bones destroyed. Multiple myeloma Phase II will not kill me today. The pain and side-effects will still be there to keep me focused on the more important things of life. I thank my doctors and nurses, Our God and you for beseeching Him on my behalf. If God has blessed me with a continuation of my life here, please continue your prayers that I might live up to that awesome responsibility of appreciating life. The Olympian is being recognized for their potential. Thanks so much. Write me and keep the prayers coming.

Mike Utley and Frank visit ACAP Center!

Detroit Lions NFL Player Mike Utley dropped by the Fort Lewis ACAP Center after an all day tour on post. Mr. Utley was paralyzed in an NFL game in 1991. Since his injury he has slowed down his activities to scuba diving, sky diving, biking, skiing, and many more. For those of you not familiar with Mike, just Google his name, do a YouTube search, or go to his site at http://www.mikeutley.org. Mike gave generously of his time to speak one-on-one with Soldiers at the ACAP Center. He also conversed with Frank, giving pointers on nutrition, proper wheelchair posture, and supplements.

I have a new descriptive for my medication cycles, boxing with all of its rules, regulations, rounds, etc. Each round takes its toll. It makes so much sense to me. I don’t know how many fights I have had since this cancer started over three years ago, but I think it has begun to take its toll and has had inflicted some side effects on both Kris and me. As I said recently, this last round got to Kris even more than it got to me. It also lands some pretty heavy blows on each of the kids and spouses. Although being loved is great, it also comes with a price tag. Each one of my kids has been at our sides from the very beginning. A week has not gone by that they have not been by our sides measuring each step of the way, what are our needs, how much do we need? What do we need? What can they do? What do I need – sleep? – laughter? A smile?

I’m hoping the weather will be changing, and I’ll rid myself of excuses and get back to writing my book. I picked it up last week and really felt good about it. All those who have read it so far have been very positive about it. I need some encouragement. I’m like a little kid. Ok, this is a computer and it has a key board, start typing – good – yes those are words – you are doing well – keep going. Encouragement was receiving a note from my grandson Kellan last week, it was just great and almost brought me to tears – I loved it. If he could do that, why can’t I do this?

Kris and I really miss the kids so much. However, I don’t think it’s possible to match her love – it’s just so deep and so reciprocal. There are so many trips coming up and visitors coming (we are looking forward to each and every one of them, but it’s impossible to discern how we can do them) these next few months. One possibility is Denver, Colorado, but it looks like almost impossible to pull off no matter how we lay it out. But it’s still on the cork board with a pin through the top of it. The doctor says I’m the decision maker, and he’s merely the professional truth teller. Even I’m (the thick headed) scared of the trip to New England - well over 10 hours and many changes. One of the measurements of sanity is bi-location – guess I don’t have any of that – it must have been on the longer line when I took the shorter one – oh well!

I had my stockings changed the other day after the doctors showed such amazement and the physical fitness specialist felt the same. She merely made a few adjustments and things look like they will come together even better than they already have – I’m an awfully lucky guy.


Meet Mrs. Jessie Forsyth Kabisch - wife of Michael Francis James Kabisch – daughter-in-law of Francis Henry James Kabisch. Jessie is presently the highest graded student of all students in the Seattle University Law School. She is absolutely loved by each and every member of the Munholland and Kabisch families - without exception – and most especially by the father-in-law and all grandkids.

I am presently on my steroids so I have to monitor myself with a little more self discipline than usual. This is the time when Kris says I want to move Mount Rainier and return to work. Next week things will be different. I’ll read a little more of my book – Legacy of Ashes by Tim Weiner – I recommend it highly.

Love you all!!!!!

Blog 2008

Another period of delay in getting back to you. The time has been absolutely full with visitors, medical visits and treatments along with some pretty serious transitions from one medical treatment into another.

We (Kris) has my transitions down to the hour – at any given period of morning or night she can tell you exactly where I am coming from – where I am now and where I will be heading for - all things being equal. It’s that all things being equal is the monkey wrench of most transition periods. This time it was a terrible case of the flu. I just didn’t feel I had enough energy to throw into the fight. The news from the doctor my last visit was again excellent. I continue to be in remission. All readings remain positive except for one which he believes he can control with a little TLC. Major organs remain in good shape. However, each new cycle seems a little tougher to get through. With your continued prayers and remembrances, we’ll bring this through another year. One of the guys who died from church last month had a great request. He asked anyone who would like to spend that last week with him might want to come by and visit him at hospice. Just come and spend an hour of silence with him and then go home. He thought it might be mutually beneficial for both of them. Great idea. Up to the end I used to watch him come to church and lift his own wheel chair out of his car. I would never dare try to join the list of rejected - no thank you guy’s and gal’s.

A big thank you to Pat Ryan for taking Monty Pope’s other grand father and myself to the flight line along at McChord last week. Pat was kind enough to wait the last two years for this visit with me. He’s answered every blog and has just been there in the background waiting for such a request, and I thank him for his understanding and goodness. It gave Kris the morning off and we had a great time visiting under the wing and bull&%^$& - while the rains came down, and Mr. Wayne Kier and the Sgt. went aboard the plane and played pilot and special visitor without another crew member or visitor aboard. It was the first cargo plane of its kind turned over to the Air Force by Boeing (better days) and was going out for a month with its crew at noon that day.

Easter Season was tough. Easter was spent in the hospital. I was unable to stand any longer on the way back to bed and others were just about able to keep me up. Finally we were instructed that this was a clear emergency because of the cancer, and we were to get to hospital emergency via paramedics asap. It probably was my new medication and things had to be brought into realignment. The paramedics were great as usual, and I could not be any more pleased with my crew. They were marvelous and had me stabilized immediately, and I was calmed by my daughter-in-law who rode with us. She is our nurse practitioner out of Vanderbilt and her growth and maturity is just wonderful. She was with me through the entire journey. What a blessing for both Kris and I.

Doctor met me immediately and promised he would work with me and my blood tests along with oncologist for as long as it required. All my kids came to the party, for there was nothing to do for most of the day. Finally doctor said I was good to go and problems were probably related to new medication. As soon as Doctor left, Debi began to remove all hookups able got me ready to be checked out, NURSE was still tied up by others. It was six o’clock pm.

Off we went once paperwork was signed - only to wake up the next morning by passing blood in my urine – again thought to be an extremely critical condition because of the cancer. IT WAS ALMOST TOO MUCH FOR KRIS TO TAKE WITHOUT ANY PREPARATION. Thank God for family, and again, in a special way for Debi, who cleared the way. Kris, Tim and I made it to the hospital and made sure all understood it was an emergency, which it was, all dully recorded in records.

It was to be a crazy day in ER – cops - and my room was needed for securing prisoner. Cop was sitting at door reading comic book – second cop was requested to help secure first cop - staff person used racial description of prisoner and insulted staff – paramedics were furious – boss of ambulance crews met supervisor to supervisor. Debi prepared me for leaving as soon as doctor said he would clear me – nurse was appreciative - and I was out the door hoping this would be my last visit to the tomb for awhile, because if they were looking for me, they would not find me there. Kris and I were quietly leaving the territory by the back door. We were learning something on every visit, but there sure had to be an easier way to learn.

God certainly has been good to me. Are we all getting ready for that fourth year. Be patient with me as the journey continues. My grand-son Kellan sent me a get well and Easter card that he did himself, and I loved it. Please excuse this long Epistle after this continued journey through the valley into the promised land and his embrace of love, friendship and forgiveness. Hang in there. Luv yu all!!!