It's almost spooky. It's 5:15am and I've been glued to my computer all evening. Now that I've discovered how to use it for all its movie and clip value I find my entire life shifting from day to night. My body does not function until after 2pm. Prior to that I'm just an entire mess. Yesterday morning was the worst of my life. The previous night I was exhausted and begged off on some medication. I'm already in the cycle where I don't take for 7 days my cancer medication which has some real side effects. During this period I have terrible nightmares. However, I didn't take medication which controls my mood and disposition. Wow! you talk about coming off cold turkey. I was in despair. I told Kris to put me in hospice and my thoughts of death were immediate and lacked faith. The poor people who have no drug regimen and have to live with pain and the other horrible effects of illnesses. Incredible!
Somehow, I think God allowed me to sense this abandonment that I might begin to understand the plight of others and maybe find a way to outreach and in some way bring comfort and kindness. Recently the plight of the aids victims and the hurt of the gay community itself has been brought to my attention. What to do? What am I capable of doing? I know that I'm gifted to share my own personal wounds and maybe I can reach out and bring comfort. Please pray for this intention and give me some direction. I have an interest in the girls of India nod want to continue attempting to raise money for their plight. I have written this week to Meeghan Black of Evening Magazine suggesting a show for the Wounded Warriors at the VA facility at American Lake. Sue Maloney is working there and I'm sure she brings kindness and dedication to each day's labor.
I think I should really bring the day to a close. Perhaps a short prayer would be helpful. Dear God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit, please bring me strength and comfort as I put myself back together again. Yesterday, I thought it not possible to arrive at today. The pain, loneliness, and sense of despair was and is too much for me to handle. I've been and continue to be surrounded by love and I thank you so much. How do others carry on who are not surrounded by Kris, Tara, Mike, Tim, Jim, Debi, Jessie and my grandchildren. The rest of my family and the unlimited number of friends and countless blessings can so easily be taken away. I didn't know that and I still don't understand this balance of the mind that can so easily be restricted. In this prayer i cannot forget all of those experiencing this havoc of the mind which so many suffer from. Forgive me for never understanding others in this way. Forgive me and bring me strength. Give me faith, hope and charity. Allow me to grow in these gifts which allow intimacy, friendship and love not only here, but with you. I beg others to pray for me that I might become an instrument of love and goodness. I will not re read this before sending it to Tara and to the blog where I expose my weakness and lack of faith. Let us pray. Good might and allow your goodness in this coming day. Mary, Mother of God comfort me.
2 comments:
Hey buddy,
How have you been. Going to the circus tommorow with grandson. We might see your old coworkers there. I'll tell them hello if I see them.
Thanks for your continued support. I'm so glad you have found this new life for yourself. It's impossible to love and happiness without another. In the other, we also find God. God finds completeness in Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Thanks again for your support. Just knowing you will read these blogs is almost enough. Until next time, have fun.
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