How do I catch this moment?
I stopped just lying here and said, this must be captured and recorded. I feel like a new man at this moment and it captures what it means by not giving up. This morning and yesterday my morale was as low as it has been since I first started this journey in October of ’05. It left me so defeated because it was accompanied by the inability of the body to respond. My legs appeared not to hold up like they had before and again for the first time I had an element of fear. Fear of what, I’m not sure, but I was so cold I thought to myself I don’t want to die cold, it’s a miserable feeling. I thought trying to come back again was just too costly and I’d be unable to do it.
The above is not what I’m trying to capture. Rather, I’m attempting 1,000% turn about. I don’t know what to tell you but I am so at peace and feel I’ve had one of the best days I years. Kris has just been unceasing with regards a number of things. She refuses to accept me not trying to move and get up and about. She keeps going the extra mile here or there in order to keep my limbs moving and my spirits up. Today, was such a day with a by-product of feeling well and willing to try again tomorrow? Today, she went out real early to get a whole lot of nuisance stuff done, so she could come back in time to register for a photography class I’ve wanted to take. She got me up and put on my hand-sewn stockings, which are impossible to do for myself. Helped me to get dressed and off we went. Soon we were over at the Lakewood Center where they among other things appeal to the older population. We entered a rather smelly building filled with people of warmth, welcome and a tremendous gift of making you feel like, they wanted you. Immediately there were people in your face who made the remembrance of pain no longer exist and a desire to be a part again of something that takes you out of yourself. At this moment instead of feeling like I did last night I’m feeling excited to meet the instructor and other participants. My desire to brag and share with others is alive and aflame with a warmth that refuses to allow that cold to move in and tae over. When we got back home Kris brought my favorite chair to sit in the sun where I was able to sit in the sun and enjoy the remainder of the day. It’s good to be alive and its great to have a certain quality of life for today. The day is almost over and it has been a good day despite the fact that yesterday I thought would no longer be possible. As Jessie keeps shouting at us, keep hope alive.
Today is Tues and Thurs I start my first photography class, so tomorrow I’ll be busy putting all my camera stuff together and electing a few pictures to use as samples of where I’m at. It will be fun just doing that.
Please remember this coming Friday. I’ve pushed very hard for an MRI and had it done last Monday. My General Practioner has it in her hand right now and on Friday we’ll share the results. The techs that did it were short of esthatic about how I cooperated and how well it turned out. I guess that doesn’t happen too often. No matter, if the results prove I’m going down hill, I’ll need to suck it up and fall back upon my Christian tradition where I’ll find strength in Jesus who has been there and done that. Then again, if the result is positive, I’ll be very anxious to begin a program built upon hard data rather than mere “I think” or the equivalent of the same. In no way do I mean to disparage any of my care givers who have been no short of miracle workers, but I know that they and the insurance carriers would want nothing less than that for themselves and their family members. What, I hope may be true is that they save money and can do much more for those in the future. My programs of care may be cheaper because they know what they are doing. Again, no matter please keep me in your thoughts and prayers so that I might be less of a burden on others than I do now. I might even improve my photo work that you’d like me to do a photo for you. I would be so happy if it pleased you. God bless us all as we continue our journey. We are so happy to anticipate and look forward to the entire Munholland visit at the end of this month. It’s going to be the best and the kids won’t recognize me because I’ve also grown so much.
I stopped just lying here and said, this must be captured and recorded. I feel like a new man at this moment and it captures what it means by not giving up. This morning and yesterday my morale was as low as it has been since I first started this journey in October of ’05. It left me so defeated because it was accompanied by the inability of the body to respond. My legs appeared not to hold up like they had before and again for the first time I had an element of fear. Fear of what, I’m not sure, but I was so cold I thought to myself I don’t want to die cold, it’s a miserable feeling. I thought trying to come back again was just too costly and I’d be unable to do it.
The above is not what I’m trying to capture. Rather, I’m attempting 1,000% turn about. I don’t know what to tell you but I am so at peace and feel I’ve had one of the best days I years. Kris has just been unceasing with regards a number of things. She refuses to accept me not trying to move and get up and about. She keeps going the extra mile here or there in order to keep my limbs moving and my spirits up. Today, was such a day with a by-product of feeling well and willing to try again tomorrow? Today, she went out real early to get a whole lot of nuisance stuff done, so she could come back in time to register for a photography class I’ve wanted to take. She got me up and put on my hand-sewn stockings, which are impossible to do for myself. Helped me to get dressed and off we went. Soon we were over at the Lakewood Center where they among other things appeal to the older population. We entered a rather smelly building filled with people of warmth, welcome and a tremendous gift of making you feel like, they wanted you. Immediately there were people in your face who made the remembrance of pain no longer exist and a desire to be a part again of something that takes you out of yourself. At this moment instead of feeling like I did last night I’m feeling excited to meet the instructor and other participants. My desire to brag and share with others is alive and aflame with a warmth that refuses to allow that cold to move in and tae over. When we got back home Kris brought my favorite chair to sit in the sun where I was able to sit in the sun and enjoy the remainder of the day. It’s good to be alive and its great to have a certain quality of life for today. The day is almost over and it has been a good day despite the fact that yesterday I thought would no longer be possible. As Jessie keeps shouting at us, keep hope alive.
Today is Tues and Thurs I start my first photography class, so tomorrow I’ll be busy putting all my camera stuff together and electing a few pictures to use as samples of where I’m at. It will be fun just doing that.
Please remember this coming Friday. I’ve pushed very hard for an MRI and had it done last Monday. My General Practioner has it in her hand right now and on Friday we’ll share the results. The techs that did it were short of esthatic about how I cooperated and how well it turned out. I guess that doesn’t happen too often. No matter, if the results prove I’m going down hill, I’ll need to suck it up and fall back upon my Christian tradition where I’ll find strength in Jesus who has been there and done that. Then again, if the result is positive, I’ll be very anxious to begin a program built upon hard data rather than mere “I think” or the equivalent of the same. In no way do I mean to disparage any of my care givers who have been no short of miracle workers, but I know that they and the insurance carriers would want nothing less than that for themselves and their family members. What, I hope may be true is that they save money and can do much more for those in the future. My programs of care may be cheaper because they know what they are doing. Again, no matter please keep me in your thoughts and prayers so that I might be less of a burden on others than I do now. I might even improve my photo work that you’d like me to do a photo for you. I would be so happy if it pleased you. God bless us all as we continue our journey. We are so happy to anticipate and look forward to the entire Munholland visit at the end of this month. It’s going to be the best and the kids won’t recognize me because I’ve also grown so much.
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