Extend your arm. Please quietly without fuss or bother, extend your arm. Grant me the grace of not having to ask, but also the sensitivity of knowing when to withdraw it. Wow! I thought I'd never find the humility of asking. Help me, I've had multi myeloma phase II for almost five years and I've been in remission for two to three of those years. All, wheelchair and bedridden bound during that time frame. Forgive me, if I tell you I still don't know what means. I've been to the doctors up the gazoo. I've been hospitalized, operated on, had blood transfusions, bone infusions and lots of other things inclusive of workshops, retreats and counseling sessions one on one and with all configurations of my family. Worst of all from time to time, I've just been sick. Cancer, I'll work with, but sick!! I'm a coward. Extend your arm, save me from asking and be so sensitive to my needs that it almost makes you sick just trying to help. What is it, Frank? What is it you need? Just tell me your needs and I'll do my best to respond. I'm sorry, as difficult as it is for you to know what it is you can do for me, so too, is that difficulty to tell you my needs.
The last time I walked normally was the morning I conducted a class, cried with a colonel whose Iraqi' employee's were assassinated, asked my boss permission to leave early, drove home with no remembrance of it and was later found by family unconscious in the garage. I think that's what happened. Maybe not! I learned to walk again and then lost it again. I think there may be a consensus within the family that I can do better than I do. I can't face that. I'm too much of a coward to admit to that. I want to believe that I'm doing all I can and I'm probably too defensive to admit otherwise. "Age..ism". Please help. Kris deserves better than that. My family and friends deserve more than that along with all of those others with cancer who can't do better. Forgive me! Help me! Pray for me to do better. Save me from seeking sympathy and allowing your graciousness to turn into an undeserved, unwanted empathy that has littler no curative graces connected to it. That isn't even worthy of Laura's therapeutic help on my behalf.
"Age…ism". I never even alluded to it until today watching the Episcopal Cathedral service this morning on behalf of Dr. 66rr8y . It seemed like the entire world had come to pay her homage inclusive of the President and other dignitaries. I shed many tears and felt no remorse for doing so. She was 98 and had just completed her last book, uu4ujmr four months ago. Please go to the internet and once again be motivated to goodness by the life of another. Read of the saints in our midst and not of those who would do us harm by the example their lives lay out for us. Yesterday, a little baby weighing one ounce less than five pounds left the hospital back East to be taken home by the most thankful and loving parents who ever lived. Mary Elise originally weighed in at less than 2 pounds. When we celebrate her memorial 100+ years from now, I pray that she be not only recognized by the then President of the United States, but one of those honors perhaps might be, having been one of the greatest Presidents of the United States, Mary Elycie whose span of Presidency was one of peace and prosperity for all of the world. Not a hope, ousted the realm of possibilities. I've always wanted to write a book on the First Female Pontiff. Please, extend your arm, sense when to withdraw it, and help me to fully match the physical capabilities of my body with the clearness of mind that I presently maintain. I don't think I did that for my father, but wish I had.
Right before my body threw me a left hook with cancer, my son brought a request from a mutual friend that made my heart go pitter patter. He asked if I would do a portrait of him. Wow! I thought. I've sat on it for years now wanting so desperately to do it, but never doing it. Doc is getting married this summer. Recently, I picked up my pastels and with a little bit of encouragement and support from others I'll have it ready for Mike to take back to Baltimore with him. Perhaps, if we're lucky, he'll be able to get it into an overhead without an extra charge. Cancer, yes, but not age…ism. My cataracts have been removed from both eyes and the other more extremee eye problem has yet to attack fully armed, and so while I still can, let's get on with it and perhaps he'll love it to death. Thanks again, for hearing me out. Love you all.
