My Cancer
Yes, it’s mine. Very unique to me! For me, I’ll never forget the dramatics of my diagnosis. We were in the specialist’s office (we = 7+) and he was tying to determine if he would accept me as a patient. Everyone was talking at the same time. Thinking back the doctor must have been thinking, “Do I really want this walking dead man”? I was standing and in severe pain for amongst everything else I had five broken vertebrae and a bone lesion on my hip. When he said yes and we shook hands, an unbelievable relief and calm took over my body and soul. Yes, cancer but no longer alone. The physical concerns which I had born alone were now to be shared with a competent professional I liked very much. My previous doctor struck out. I left with this relief even thou I was given only six days. I don’t know how others react nor can I advise them, but for me my faith was paramount. During this period I was “to die” no less than three times requiring I be brought back.
The death part quickly turned to the faith part. Once I came to grips with this I’ve sort of had the upper hand on death. I could not fear it as one who did not believe. Oh yes, no head under the blanket, but a calling of myself to terms that death was the only way. There was to be a next life through an agony in the garden. These were not theological, biblical nor philosophical matters but very real concrete concerns.
Don’t wait to be loved by others but aggressively learn to love all those brought into your life. Not what others can do for me, but what can I do for others. Don’t complain about your family, doctors, nurses and health care workers for their impersonal training, but be totally personal with them. They get sick, have ill parents, fight at home, have financial issues, and teenage children. They may be afraid to get close to you but have no fear in embracing them and their concerns. Consider it a mortal sin to think of them as working only for money. This thinking makes you sick inside. Rather, hope they will miss you and cry at your funeral because you have gone out of their life. Even if it requires acting a little stupid put a smile on their face.
My cancer thus far has been helped a great deal by getting a handle on the practical. My wife Kris was incredibly helpful as we struggled through all the insurance papers and requests for information. Without help with these matters there would be little time for dying while everything else consumed every living moment. Make absolutely sure you never rely upon barrack’s lawyers for advice. YOU MUST GO TO THE SOURCE AND THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF THAT SOURCE. Take this from one who was responsible for an outside contractor to process well over a million in claims each fiscal period.
Orientation to services and goods must be internalized. What are the needs of a body that has gone from 190 lbs to 115 require? I used to be 6”1’ and now find myself at 5”7’. Just a short time ago I took no pills and could hang in there and now have been mostly bedridden for three years. Going to the bathroom and taking a shower become central to your every day life. Yet there are many things that can help. My electric wheelchair is not a luxury it’s freedom.
Get control of your life. Set goals and objectives for yourself within your own restrictions. Make them creative, fun and exciting. Share what you have with everyone you can for as long as you can. Be strong about running your life and do not let others attempt to do it for you and your family. Will you hide your cancer from others or will you tell the world? I chose to tell the world. Not as a secret way of gaining sympathy but being a source of grace for others so through their prayers and concern for you they also may profitably share in the journey. Don’t wear them out or ever leave them depressed but rather uplifted and encouraged about their own world.
Discover gifts you didn’t know you had or simply never used.
Learn how to lighten the burden of your caregivers. They have a heavy burden and its you. How do you lift their burden? Prior to cancer “I” did it and now “they” must do it. Live in wonder meant of how do they do it? Learn to assess every call for help as to its worthiness or necessity weighed against those of the caregivers never did it. How can I now “expect” others to do it for me? Learn the difference between saying ‘thank you” and communicating “thank you”. The wrong one can hurt and be empty.
Use your pen or computer to write your journal. Don’t edit your work record your life. If you stop, pick up when you remember you have forgotten. Never – never ever pass another without recognition of their humanity. Set an example. LISTEN, LISTEN to the pain of the world and the people of the world and your own may become just a little less biting.
There is so much to learn from others. Allow your education to continue. Find out and continue to discover, who are you? Are you the same person if depressed? If you are full of medication, other’s blood, in the midst of chemo and need further adjustment of your medications, who are you?
Pray always.
Yes, it’s mine. Very unique to me! For me, I’ll never forget the dramatics of my diagnosis. We were in the specialist’s office (we = 7+) and he was tying to determine if he would accept me as a patient. Everyone was talking at the same time. Thinking back the doctor must have been thinking, “Do I really want this walking dead man”? I was standing and in severe pain for amongst everything else I had five broken vertebrae and a bone lesion on my hip. When he said yes and we shook hands, an unbelievable relief and calm took over my body and soul. Yes, cancer but no longer alone. The physical concerns which I had born alone were now to be shared with a competent professional I liked very much. My previous doctor struck out. I left with this relief even thou I was given only six days. I don’t know how others react nor can I advise them, but for me my faith was paramount. During this period I was “to die” no less than three times requiring I be brought back.
The death part quickly turned to the faith part. Once I came to grips with this I’ve sort of had the upper hand on death. I could not fear it as one who did not believe. Oh yes, no head under the blanket, but a calling of myself to terms that death was the only way. There was to be a next life through an agony in the garden. These were not theological, biblical nor philosophical matters but very real concrete concerns.
Don’t wait to be loved by others but aggressively learn to love all those brought into your life. Not what others can do for me, but what can I do for others. Don’t complain about your family, doctors, nurses and health care workers for their impersonal training, but be totally personal with them. They get sick, have ill parents, fight at home, have financial issues, and teenage children. They may be afraid to get close to you but have no fear in embracing them and their concerns. Consider it a mortal sin to think of them as working only for money. This thinking makes you sick inside. Rather, hope they will miss you and cry at your funeral because you have gone out of their life. Even if it requires acting a little stupid put a smile on their face.
My cancer thus far has been helped a great deal by getting a handle on the practical. My wife Kris was incredibly helpful as we struggled through all the insurance papers and requests for information. Without help with these matters there would be little time for dying while everything else consumed every living moment. Make absolutely sure you never rely upon barrack’s lawyers for advice. YOU MUST GO TO THE SOURCE AND THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF THAT SOURCE. Take this from one who was responsible for an outside contractor to process well over a million in claims each fiscal period.
Orientation to services and goods must be internalized. What are the needs of a body that has gone from 190 lbs to 115 require? I used to be 6”1’ and now find myself at 5”7’. Just a short time ago I took no pills and could hang in there and now have been mostly bedridden for three years. Going to the bathroom and taking a shower become central to your every day life. Yet there are many things that can help. My electric wheelchair is not a luxury it’s freedom.
Get control of your life. Set goals and objectives for yourself within your own restrictions. Make them creative, fun and exciting. Share what you have with everyone you can for as long as you can. Be strong about running your life and do not let others attempt to do it for you and your family. Will you hide your cancer from others or will you tell the world? I chose to tell the world. Not as a secret way of gaining sympathy but being a source of grace for others so through their prayers and concern for you they also may profitably share in the journey. Don’t wear them out or ever leave them depressed but rather uplifted and encouraged about their own world.
Discover gifts you didn’t know you had or simply never used.
Learn how to lighten the burden of your caregivers. They have a heavy burden and its you. How do you lift their burden? Prior to cancer “I” did it and now “they” must do it. Live in wonder meant of how do they do it? Learn to assess every call for help as to its worthiness or necessity weighed against those of the caregivers never did it. How can I now “expect” others to do it for me? Learn the difference between saying ‘thank you” and communicating “thank you”. The wrong one can hurt and be empty.
Use your pen or computer to write your journal. Don’t edit your work record your life. If you stop, pick up when you remember you have forgotten. Never – never ever pass another without recognition of their humanity. Set an example. LISTEN, LISTEN to the pain of the world and the people of the world and your own may become just a little less biting.
There is so much to learn from others. Allow your education to continue. Find out and continue to discover, who are you? Are you the same person if depressed? If you are full of medication, other’s blood, in the midst of chemo and need further adjustment of your medications, who are you?
Pray always.
2 comments:
Interesting reading your recent post. You describe actively living as an on going objective for yourself and for others as well. Good advice.
My friend here in Fort Myers was actively living when it came time to actively die.He was in Hospice for 5 months...The care, the philosphy of life and death was an eye opener. What wonersful and caring people.
Peter
Frank,
I enjoy your writing like I enjoyed talking with you. Keep it up as it is good for us as I believe it is good for you. MY kid got married the other day. I was proud of how he has become a man. Childish behaviors have slipped away. He is maturing well. I, on the other hand, am enjoying being a play partner for my grandson Lane. We get on the floor pretty easy. I don't need any excuse to have fun. I am looking forward to a redo on some of my childhood play. It is easy to smile, play and laugh with him. It looks different from the floor. I still appreciate a hand up when it is over. God bless you and yours. Pat
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